Usain Bolt Boosts Yam Consumption, Exportation 185%
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The Gambia – When Usain Bolt, the prolific Jamaican sprinter, decimated his opponents on the track in last year’s Beijing Olympics, the world sat up and took notice. Jamaicans are fast as a race, as they are always on the run from cops and bullets in the degenerative crime infested neighborhoods, but the world had never seen anything like Bolt. In the Olympic 100 m final, Bolt broke new ground, winning in 9.69 seconds.
Was he on steroids? Did he have a motor in his hips? Was he using juju to win these races?? I mean, the guy looked like Super Mario after eating a mushroom in the presence of King Koopa.
As it turns out, the secret behind his success is indeed a super food. A simple tuber: Yam…Magic yam to be more precise. We asked Jamaica’s director of tourism and minister of agriculture for a reaction to the notion that Bolt’s success was fueled by the consumption of yam.
“Booyaka! Booyaka!” they said in unison. “Usain Bolted a 9.58sec 100m world record. Jamaicans them feed pon some nice yam an cornmeal porridge.”
With this official confirmation, many West African countries have stepped up efforts to grow and export yam to Western nations. No country is taking this more seriously than Gambia. The goal is to boost local economies with increased exports and give some Caucasians a fighting chance in the 100 meters in the future. Yam, not to be confused with sweet potatoes, is a tuber and cousin to yucca. No one but Jamaicans is sure how they cook it, but in Africa, we boil it, mash it and eat it with soup or stew. How white athletes are going to eat it is not a concern to a co-op of Gambian farmers who are cashing in on yam’s new notoriety.
“Our job is to grow and sell,” said Saoud Ali, a four fingered man of 80. “They can eat it with okro and sugar for all I care.”
Since Gambia, a really, really poor country, has no airport, shipping harbor or other apparatus for export/import, the government’s plan it to pair farmers and fishermen in dugout canoes filled with yam destined for Europe.
Officials deny any plot to aid its citizenry in entering Europe illegally, a favorite Sene-Gambian pass time.
