Racist Nobel Prize Geneticist Not Pleased About His African Roots
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We at Maize Break generally try to avoid partaking of any media feeding frenzy that include the words “racist” and “disenfranchised”, however our Editor thought that this story deserved our 15 minutes of our attention.
Sigh. So here goes:
In an attempt to drum up interest in his waning image, Dr James Watson made some outlandish remarks this week. In a recent interview, he asserted that Africans, African-Americans, and all persons of African decent were intellectually inferior to their White counterparts. Despite his preposterous assertions, he seems to speak with utter sincerity when he bemoans that he is “inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa” because “all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours – whereas all the testing says not really”.
Turns out that Dr. Watson should have done some better research into his own genetic make up because, get this: he’s Black.
Yeah, you heard it. In what is fast becoming a phenomenon of epidemic proportions, more and more (racist) White people are finding out that they are actually Black…or related to a Black person somehow.
Self-styled magnate of segregation and segregationist values, Strom Thurmond, is actually related to civil rights activist, Al Sharpton. They share a common great-great grandfather. In fact, the former senator fathered an illegitimate bi-racial child with his parent’s house- help. It’s believed he skeeted his most famous words, “Segregation now, segregation forever!”, on his lover’s belly before he abandoned the pair.
And recently, @#!% Cheney’s wife just had to go digging through the family’s ancestral archives. Now the Republican Vice President has to deal with the fact that he and Democratic presidential (and black) frontrunner Barack Obama are cousins, eight times removed.
Today, Maize Break was forced to show Dr. Watson that he too juuust might have to come to terms that he is an African, too. Ancestry documents reveal that he is a very close relation to Michael Vick, famed Atlanta quarterback and dog-killer. Together, they are now the two most hated men in the world. Vick by White people for assassinating canines, and Watson by Black people for suggesting they have the comprehension capacity of a canine.
In addition, Dr Watson was (re)introduced to the study on Mitochondrial Eve, which is the name given by researchers to the woman who is defined as the matrilineal most recent common ancestor for all living humans. Passed down from mothers to offspring for over a hundred thousand years, her mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) is now found in all living humans: every mtDNA in every living person is derived from hers. She is believed to have lived about 140,000 years ago in what is now Ethiopia, Kenya or Tanzania…which means that every person living today is African.
Dr. Watson was clearly disturbed when he was presented with the evidence.
“Oh crap!” he muttered.
Our reporters watched as he fought back his tears; Probably of self-loathing. This was good, because it’s a trait that Whites have ingrained into the Black community for centuries. He seemed to finally come to terms with the African man that lives inside him. We’ll call that man Ogbeni, for now.
He quickly issued and apology early this morning.
“To all those who have drawn the inference from my words that Africa, as a continent, is somehow genetically inferior, I apologize unreservedly.”
We accept his apology, and advised him not to talk about his mother that way in the future…‘cause well, she’s an African too.
