Chuck Norris Answers Call, Frees American Hostage
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Mogadishu – The greatest warrior on the planet, Chuck Norris, has answered the pirates’ call to battle and freed Capt. Richard Phillips from the barnacled grasp of the scurvy pirates. Phillips was captured earlier this week in a failed attempt to hijack an American ship ferrying goods to Kenya.
Chuck Norris, 1980's movie icon
Riding on the bough of a US Navy ship, Chuck suddenly sped onto the deep waters of the Gulf of Aden on an amphibious motor cycle armed with two semi-automatic riffles. A fierce but brief battle ensued between him and the pirates, leaving three of the four dead. Seeing his chance, Capt. Phillips hopped onto the back of Chuck’s magical ocean bike.
“You’re safe now, soldier,” said Mr. Norris. Phillips hugged him tightly (in a non, homo-erotic way).
After returning the captain back to the cheering crew of the navy warship, Chuck Norris turned to the camera, jumped in the air, did a roundhouse kick and said:
“Let this be a warning to all pirates who might try to endanger American lives,” said Chuck.
On land, the pirate clans are said to be re-thinking any decision to attack American vessels in the future. Europeans, they say, are more likely to pay up a ransom and less likely to put up a fight.
There are also no European action heroes comparable to CHUCK NORRIS.
