Pirates: We Will Not Stop Until Chuck Norris Comes In
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Mogadishu – In a daring do, Somali pirates did the unthinkable this week: They attacked an American sea vessel and took the captain captive. After weeks of inactivity, the pirates explained that they had to come back “hard and heavy.”
We spoke to the skipper of one of the speed boats docked in the lawless Gulf of Aden.
“You have to understand, we were in the news everyday for months,” said Amin Amikiakellityery. “Then news on the global economy took our place, and we had to do something dramatic to get back in the spotlight.”
Hijacking an American vessel takes a great deal of guts, and despite a heavy show of force by the USA’s naval force, the pirates are undeterred by their presence. As Amin tells us (we’ll refer to him by his first name only from now on, because we can’t spell or pronounce his last name), the only way the American hostage will be released if “Chuck Norris himself comes to free him.”
Chuck Norris, who is the most famous “blow man” in Africa, is a symbol of strength, courage, triumph and patriotism. Like Kenny Rogers, he is one of the most respected white men in Africa. Anyone who can overcome his martial arts skills and military prowess will go down in history as a true hero. At least, that’s the way the pirates see it.
“Have you seen Delta Force?” asked Amin. “One man rescued 6 marines from a whole Arab army with a moto-bike and a few guns. If we can defeat him, we shall show ourselves supreme!” Only then, he said, would they stop pirating.
“After beating Chuck Norris, there is nothing else to prove. Nothing else to live for.”
Our attempts to explain that Chuck Norris, although physically fit, is just an entertainer with martial arts training were met with a sinister “Posh! Shut up!”
“Bring Chuck Norris to Somalia,” warned the pirates. “The fate of the world depends on his arrival.”
