Chuck Norris Answers Call, Frees American Hostage
The greatest warrior on the planet, Chuck Norris, has answered the pirates' call to battle and freed Capt. Richard Phillips from the barnacled grasp of the scurvy pirates. Phillips was captured earlier this week in a failed attempt to hijack an American ship ferrying goods to Kenya.
Happy New Year!
Ahh. A new year for we Africans to celebrate. Some things will change for the continent, but most will stay the same. Here are our predictions.
Arrr Somalis Just Trying to be Romantic?
Wanting the world to see their softer, more altruistic side Somalia’s pirates look to Cpt. Jack Sparrow for inspiration and guidance.
Breast Ironing Takes the “Fun” Out of Fun-bags
Abasi has suggested that the people stop referring to breast as “breasts”, but rather adopt Power’s terminology and call them names like ‘fun-bags’, ‘dirty pillows’, or ‘juice bowls’. He believes that peoples’ attitudes towards the female anatomy will change to a more favorable one with the modification in jargon.
Annan Buggin’ Over Bugged Hotel Room
After discovering the wire tap, Mr. Annan is not quite sure where he's going to sleep for the remainder of his stay in Kenya. He was recently seen walking to and fro the streets of the capital, with his pillow in hand.
Bush: We Will Not Bomb Darfur
“Do they have Jews over there in Darfur?” he asked.
Local Man Claims To Be Long Lost Relative Of Actor John Amos
56 year old Adenta, Ghana resident, Kwasi Gyekye, made some unusual claims this week. He said he has hard evidence proving his kinship to famed American actor, John Amos.
Racist Nobel Prize Geneticist Not Pleased About His African Roots
Dr. Watson was clearly disturbed when he was presented with the evidence. “Oh crap!” he muttered.
“Am I Smelling?”: Hausa Student
A female student questions her own personal hygiene and its effects on the fellow student body.
Obama lands in Ghana: Fast Facts
Last night, Ghanaians rich and poor, young and old were united in one cause: To witness Barack Obama arrive at Kotoka. Villagers in Ghana huddled by their communal TV sets and the very posh sat in their air conditioned halls to witness history.
Captured Pirate “Very happy to be here”
Musi, as it turns out, is a pirate by day, and a rapper by night. He raps about money, prison and b*tches, but has found it hard to prove himself “street credible” since he has never been to prison. “Life in an American federal prison will make my message far more marketable,” explains Musi. “There are plenty of b*tches in prison.”
Pirates: We Will Not Stop Until Chuck Norris Comes In
Chuck Norris, who is the most famous “blow man” in Africa, is a symbol of strength, courage, triumph and patriotism. Like Kenny Rogers, he is one of the most respected white men in Africa. Anyone who can overcome his martial arts skills and military prowess will go down in history as a true hero. At least, that’s the way the pirates see it.
