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Namibian Government Confesses that Its’ Teat is Dry

Windhoek - With a per capita income of $7430.00, Namibia has one of the highest GDPs on the continent. Life is generally good for its civilians. Decent access to water and electricity, average schools, and seclusion from the sub-regions warmongering neighbors. What most of the civilians of this great country don’t know is that all this good living is as a result of the government’s dedication to their social welfare. As a result, no one has ever made any particular effort to better themselves or introduce new enterprise into the country. They have relied solely on the government to provide their basic needs. This has forced the economy into stagnation.

In short: the people have suckled at the teat of the government so long that the wells have begun to run dry. All that remains is an unsightly, chapped nub of a nipple. Without some sort of external lubricant, things could get even uglier…and fast.

John Songora, a member of the Weaning Program, explained exactly what was needed to boost the economy and offer the people new options.

“As you know, Angelia Jolie came to Namibia a year or so back and gave birth to her baby in our beautiful desert land. The whole world’s eyes were on us. I believe we comported ourselves exemplarily. What I propose is that we do our utmost to attract more American and European stars to our lands to birth their children. The income they bring with their entourages will be unprecedented. The benefits will be two-fold. As they suckle their own children, our nation will suckle at their breasts too. Soft, creamy, milky breasts. It’s a win-win for all!“

The people have yet to be informed of the impending switch to come. The government is in no rush to accelerate the expected “nipple confusion” associated with getting nourishment from a new source.

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