Only in Africa Can Total Losers Become Celebrated Winners
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Africa has been mulling the idea of modeling itself after America for years now. There’s been talk of creating a United States of Africa (USA) and focusing on ushering in an industrialized era, much like the one that launched America into world-powerdom. Now, thanks to some generous elements from America’s sunny shores, Africa can now add “Land of Opportunity” to her list of monikers; a name usually reserved from the land that spawned George Bush.
Africa, like America (in same cases) has a long history of rewarding those who excel in mediocrity. The leaders of most major coups were elementary school drop outs, and many of her social/governmental elite work exclusively between the hours of noon and 3pm. To foster that same spirit, the NFL (National Football League) has begun donating the t-@#!% and caps of the loosing team to impoverished African countries, following the Super Bowl.
“It’s a great boost to morale,” says one village elder in Ethiopia. “To see a group of young boys between the ages of 8-16 with shirts declaring them champions…it’s really heartwarming.”
The latest shipment to hit Africa’s shores was an eight by ten foot box containing 315 shirts and caps emblazoned with the Patriots’ brand…the undisputed losers of Super Bowl XLII. Much like any African country, the Patriots had been favored to win the game. They had the resources, the know-how and the leadership, but due to silly mistakes, and bad calls, squandered the opportunity to win.
The clothing is donated through the works of an international non-profit organization (we won’t say their name because we fear lawsuits…we beg!). A representative from the organization broke down the conception for the decision to bring the clothes to Africa, as opposed to the Appalachian Mountains in America, where the poverty level is quite comparable.
“Many of these people still pick cotton for a living anyway, but don’t have the infrastructure to turn them into finished goods…like a t-shirt.” She held up the item in demonstration. “We figured they might like to know what cotton looks like once it’s been touched by the magic of America…or in this case as, the label indicates, Taiwan.”
She added that by giving these clothes away in Africa, it makes a team like the Patriots feel good; like they’re making a difference. The group also follows a simple equation when sourcing beneficiaries: Photo of football star + African child with swollen belly = compassion; Photo of football star with (white) child from West Virginia with swollen belly = jail time.
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