L’Oreal: Lip Plumping Gloss Based with Lead, Study Finds
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Somewhere in Central Africa – In what seems to be a spate of endless reports of Chinese manufactured consumer items contaminated by lead, L’Oreal admitted last week that its lip colors are tainted by the substance as well.
The Luscious Lip Volumizer, a lip gloss used to temporarily cause the lips to appear fuller, contains particular alarming levels of lead as well, consumer rights advocates report.
Martha Grimes, a Boston native, describes a tingling sensation every time she would apply Luscious before heading out for the day.
“It was almost like having millions of little nymphs stab you in the mouth with a spike, really painful…but the results were undeniable. My lips were noticeably fuller all day long!”
7000 miles away in a remote Africa village, the locals have a similar story to tell.
“Well, they have been giving us the Luscious here for about twelve years now,” explains Ushirey Mothabo, the village beer brewer. “I started using it in place of shea butter, because they told me that the shine would last longer, and that during Harmattan, my lips would never get dry. There was only one small side effect.”
The small side effect turned out to be the gradual assembling of two huge pieces of flesh that used to be her lips. We asked Ushirey to describe what it feels like.
“Eh? It feels like I’m carrying a book shelf on my chin!” she exclaims.
As if to prove her point, she slammed a beer bottle on her lower lip. (It never moved as she described what happened next.)
“Even, my husband stopped kissing me altogether. He said he was afraid I would swallow him. At first I was hurt, but I found out that at night he likes to play in my make up bag…and well, Karma took care of the rest.”
We narrated Ms. Grimes description of the stabbing sensation in her lips, and asked Ushirey if she had ever experienced such a sensation. She chuckled.
“Ei! Tell Martha Grimes ooooh! That’s where it begins! Soon, she will be shunned by society, alone, left smoking her pipe out of the right corner of her mouth, with a companion who likes to play “ashwao” by himself at night.”
She cackled ruefully; and then jerked suddenly.
“Mmmmm. That’s how it all ends: With a tingle. One moment you’re a desirable beer seller and the next…”
Her voice trails off as the gently disengages the brew vase from her face.
L’Oreal’s Director of Beauty and Goodness would only comment to say that a little lead has never hurt any African. They stand by their product, declaring that it is not misleading and delivers exactly what is on the label: To dramatically transform your lips (possibly beyond all recognition), giving the wearer the ‘goose down’ pillow lips they desire.
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