American Celebrities Donate Their Unused Steroids
3 Comments
Kwa- Zulu Natal - Why does a rapper need a neck like a pack of sausages, or arms like bofloat? Does using steroids make your body and your voice stronger? We don’t know, but Timbaland, 50 Cent and Mary J Blige seem to find value in the use of artificial physical enhancers. African logic would say: “Yes. If you have a stronger body, then you will have more strength to perform for your audience, and therefore can make more money by having longer performances.”
Perhaps this is why these and other American celebrities have begun donating their unused steroids to struggling African artistes.
After a raid by the many US government entities revealed that these and other performers were using performance enhancers, the icons collectively decided to do something to benefit the world’s poor. Instead of staging another “Live Aid” type event where superstars perform for charity, they have decided to equip Africa’s fraught musicians with the tools to generate their own income.
Kwame Tutu is a rapper from Ghana who is a recipient of this new program.
“When I am rapping in Twi, I can now do many things I couldn’t do before, thanks to the steroids,” he confided with our reporters. “My tongue is tron (strong), and I can slang pa-pa! “
He was gracious enough to sing the hook from one of his demo songs Chooka-Chaka, a song about a train.
“Chooka-chaka, chooka-chaka, like a train y’all!”
He repeated it an amazing 15 times…and he produced unimaginable amount of saliva.
As the intra-continental celebrity scene is being flooded with half used vials of this growth serum, there is a new found hope and optimism for the future. Some are hoping to be the lucky recipients of their personal idol’s left over treatments, in the hopes that their fates will somehow steer their own. One very flamboyant chanteuse said simply:
“If I get one of Freddy Mercury’s needles, my life will never be the same!” he gushed. “I’ll be the first Queen of Africa.”
