Scientists, Thieves Conspire to Create “Obama-nade”
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Nyangoma Kogelo – On Wednesday morning this week, Sarah Obama woke up to make her customary kettle of tea for breakfast when she realized something was wrong. The solar powered stove was not heating the kettle…and it was a blistering 88* on this Kenyan morning.
Sarah Hussein Obama, Barack Obama’s step-grandmother.
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“I went outside to look at the solar panel Barak (the one running for president) gave me, and it was hanging on by just one wire.”
It was at that moment that Granny Obama realized that someone had tried to rob her the evening before. Having to resort to using charcoal and firewood to prepare her tea, Granny Obama went back into her pantry where she kept cooking supplies and some clothing. What she discovered is something no matriarch should have to endure Someone had crept into her room and stolen her granny panties. All of them.
Sniffing foul play, MaizeBreak sent an investigative team to follow the police task force to recover Granny Obama’s panties. The hunt took us deep into the jungles of the Kenyan interior, where we discovered a quasi demolished research site. From the data our team discovered, it looked like some one was attempting create a tonic.
Digging through the rubble, an officer held up a purple pair of under-things and beacon labeled “Obama-nade”. After piecing together the evidence, the Nyangoma task force held a press conference in Nairobi.
“We have recently uncovered a plot to steal the DNA of Sarah Obama and use it to create a lemon juice drink called ‘Obama-nade’,” said the commissioner. “The science site has been dismantled, and the project abandoned…but the culprits are still at large.”
A label on a test beaker listed its main ingredient as “Obama power”, and promised to provide the drinker with political, social and intellectual prowess. Cure all potions and tonics are not uncommon in Africa. For centuries, concoctions have promised to cure anything from infertility to scrotal rash…, but the sophistication of this operation has led to speculation that an international drink manufacturer may be behind the act. The motive: To rival and conquer Kenya’s locally manufactured Obama Beer.
In the meantime, Sarah Obama is happy to have a least a few of her personal items back. She confessed the tonic wouldn’t have worked anyway: She’s only Barak’s step-grandmother.
