Access to Swiss Bank Accounts Causes Delight, Distress
0 Comments
Central African Republic (C.A.R.) – The news that a federal judge in America has cleared the way for the IRS to seek access to secret Swiss bank accounts has many African leaders shaking in their little space boots and the common man doing a jubilant jig in his home.
In C.A.R., the political elite and merchant classes are actually rich enough to afford space boots.
In fact, it’s rumored that with the money they have siphoned off from the poor and IMF, they actually DO vacation in space. Togo and Ethiopia join the Central African Republic as some of the most corrupt nations on the continent; so if the sky looks a little darker one night this summer, it’s because the minister of finance from one of these countries is floating aimlessly in his space gear, darkening the horizon with his evil.
But we digress.
The fear and distress that this federal order has caused is almost palpable. It’s estimated that every dollar holed in secret accounts abroad can pave the African continent with roads of gold and put every child through school to the PhD level. Despite the enormous amounts of money hoarded away, top government officials worry that their standards of living will decimated if the truth comes to light about the millions of dollars in Swiss accounts.
“I can’t imagine going to Tahiti or Hawaii for holiday,” lamented a parliamentarian from Togo. “In fact, I just took my 6 kids to Mars for the youngest’s birthday. We don’t have red rocks on Earth! If they disperse my Swiss funds, we’ll be reduced to eating Earth cake. Have you had cake prepared by Martians? It’s actually quite tasty.”
He added that most people don’t even know there is life on Mars. But as a privileged MP, he does.
On the other side of the divide are the millions of impoverished Africans who get by on one meal a day, if they are lucky. They are not interested in paving the streets of their communities with gold, or red rocks, they just want a hot bowl of porridge.
“I am hoping with this money, the government can finally fulfill some of its promises,” says Abass Lawal, a migrant fisherman. “In my country, they promised one donkey for every family and water that tastes like beer. I know with these funds, they can now achieve these wonderful goals”.
Abass has been traveling the continent in search of his African dream: A donkey and water that tastes like beer.
No one knows if the rest of the world will follow the US’ initiative and open access to these secret accounts, but they do know this for sure: Africa’s space program will be terribly disrupted if the secret gets out.
Is it really worth it?
0 comments so far...
Leave a comment
Use the form below to add comments, suggestions, and the inevitable off-topic banter (please keep to a minimum). Feel free to use HTML code (optional), and be aware that we reserve the right to edit any raw language or banter that's too far off topic.
