Thursday, July 02, 2009

REGIONAL

Captured Pirate “Very happy to be here”

Musi, as it turns out, is a pirate by day, and a rapper by night. He raps about money, prison and b*tches, but has found it hard to prove himself “street credible” since he has never been to prison. “Life in an American federal prison will make my message far more marketable,” explains Musi. “There are plenty of b*tches in prison.”

REGIONAL

Pirates: We Will Not Stop Until Chuck Norris Comes In

Chuck Norris, who is the most famous “blow man” in Africa, is a symbol of strength, courage, triumph and patriotism. Like Kenny Rogers, he is one of the most respected white men in Africa. Anyone who can overcome his martial arts skills and military prowess will go down in history as a true hero. At least, that’s the way the pirates see it.

BUSINESS

‘Conficker’ has unintended, positive results for Zim

The southern African nation with a 231,000000% inflation (as of January) posted a massive rally on it’s stock markets when the bug hit its government databases this morning. Zimbabwe’s GDP has grown by 231,000000% in a matter of hours, making instant trillionaires out of the entire population overnight.

ENTERTAINMENT

SA Artists, Politicians fire back at Press, Support Brown

South African men are showing their support for the talented singer, Chris Brown, by staging dance offs and lip syncing parades all around the country.

BUSINESS

Survey: 42% of Africans Think the Internet is a Place

Abass Haruna sent a letter to his eldest son, telling him to “go into the internet, and ask if anyone wants to do some business in Tamale”. At first, the request puzzled Haruna’s young scholar, until the boy figured out that his father believed the internet was a physical location…like a post office or a ‘comm center.’

More Featured Stories

Breast Milk was the Deal Breaker: Malawi Courts

Malawi’s lawyers have begun to caution would-be adoptive parents not to expect to hastily adopt anymore “brown, exotic babies” without proof that they can feed those children with sweet foreign breast milk upon government request.

Chris Brown has Relationship Training in Ghana

Chris Brown may have learned how to dance from Michael Jackson, but it was in Ghana that he was schooled in the ways of how to treat a Black woman.

Obama Inauguration to Have Y2K Effect

Barack Obama will be the most magical and mystical president the world has ever seen. He will usher in an unseen era...just like Y2K did 9 years ago!

CAN YOU HANDLE THIS?

Answer: No, we can't. Times must be really hard if the Russians are doing 419 scams!

ACCEPT WITH GOOD FAITH MY DEAR GOOD FRIEND AND REPLY IMMEDIATELY.

Oh? You only want a copy of my passport and all my personal information so that I can get money from Monaco? How fortunate for me in the post 911 times!

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